Dated 9/26/2007
His body was crumpled
and appeared small, as a stillborn child.
They dragged him to the shore as his chest no longer heaved. They fruitlessly attempted to revive him, but
his heart was stopped and his lungs were full.
His eyes were closed, his mouth forever frozen in a sly smile. His sculpted body, tanned skin and blonde
hair no longer seemed attractive and his formerly luscious lips had turned blue
with lack of oxygen.
I remember my anxiousness to go to the lake every year. We usually went every July from the first to
the fifth. We’d have parties on the
fourth, the only day out of the whole year my parents would let me drink. I always looked forward to it. The lake was like my second home.
Jimmy, Sarah and Brett were our next door neighbors at the
lake. Jimmy and Sarah, the twins, were
my age while Brett was a few years older than us. I’d usually stay with the twins, seeing as
Sarah was my best friend and I had a crush on Jimmy. Brett usually stayed away, sometimes in his
room or out on the lake riding his Seadoo in circles and doing tricks, showing
off for the bathing beauties along the beach.
I always told my parents that I wanted to live there, at the
cottage on the lake like Jimmy, Sarah, Brett and their parents, but they always
shook their heads in a silent response.
Some things are meant to be taken in moderation, meaning the five days a
year at the lake was enough.
I used to go through post-lake depression every year until I
was about thirteen when I realized that I’d come back and it’d be like I never
left.
We’re eight years old, I’m walking hand-in-hand with Jimmy
and chattering with Sarah on the side, though I’m not really paying much
attention to her. Something about Jimmy
always caught my attention. Was it his
blonde hair that caught the sun so perfectly, or his cute freckles or the
cowboy hat he never took off? Was it his
smile, his laugh? I suppose I’ll never
really remember what caused me to be so infatuated with him in the first place…
It was my father that
pulled him out of that water and dragged him to the shore; it was my father
that attempted to resuscitate him but failed.
He’s a paramedic; he knows what he’s doing. He can save Joe Blow who crashed himself into
a tree because he was driving drunk, but he can’t save Jimmy. Jimmy’s beyond help now. He’s beyond everything now…
Our school gets out June fourth every year, leaving me just
under a month to pack my luggage for the lake.
I’m almost always ready weeks before we actually have to leave. My parents think I’m crazy and I just tell
them they’re right.
This year, I’m thirteen.
A lot has happened since the last time I visited the lake. I can’t wait to fill everyone in.
Opening the door and ignoring my luggage, I sprint down to
the beach where I know Jimmy and Sarah are waiting. I throw my arms around Sarah and squeeze her
tight. I look over her shoulder and
smile widely at Jimmy and he returns the gesture. I gently push Sarah away and tackle Jimmy to
the ground, giggle, stand up, dust off, offer him my hand and pull him to his
feet.
“Long time, Jen,” chuckles Jimmy.
“I know! I’m so glad
to be back. I have so much to tell you
two. I missed you so much!” I reply
grinning.
“We’ll help you with your luggage, Jen,” says Sarah.
“Thanks,” I say, turning on my heel and sprinting back up
the stairs to the car.
Finally it’s dinnertime.
Jimmy, Sarah, Brett and I are sitting on the pier, eating and giggling,
reminiscing and filling each other in.
Brett has a new girlfriend, Sarah has her eye on a cute boy
across the lake and Jimmy mumbles about water skiing.
I eye him and mouth, “You okay, Jim?”
He mouths back, “Sure,” and looks at the ground.
Sarah blurts, “His name is Samson and he looks great in a
Speedo,” she giggles and blushes.
I smile and gaze at Jimmy who is still staring at his feet.
Brett nudges me and whispers, “My little bro is just missin’
his girl.”
“His girl?” I ask sadly.
Brett rolls his eyes, “Who do you think? Every time you leave he’s depressed. He won’t eat or sleep, he just stares at the
picture of you two from a couple years back.
He’s totally in love with you Jen.
Right now, he’s glad to have you here, but he’s sad because he knows you
will leave again soon.”
I gawk at Brett and he nods.
I turn my gaze to Jimmy who is eyeing Brett carefully. I smile weakly and ask to be excused.
I run to my room, slam the door behind me and slink down,
leaning against the wall, breathing heavily.
I’m thirteen and I’m in love. I have been for as long as I can remember. It is real.
I stare in the mirror and my reflection is beaming. I feel
pretty for once.
Suddenly there’s a knock at my door. I shout, “Who is it?” and make a move toward
the handle when it turns and Jimmy comes in.
He looks into my eyes and I gaze back unblinkingly and
smile. He takes me in his arms, leans me
against the door and kisses me, deeply, passionately…just as I’d always
imagined it.
He grins and sits on my bed, pats the space next to him and
motions for me to come over. I sit and
rest my head against his shoulder and he nuzzles my head with his sweetly.
He turns my face to his with his hand and whispers softly,
“I love you, Jen.”
“I love you too, Jim,” I whisper back and we kiss again.
All of a sudden I’m completely exhausted and I lie back on my
bed and drift off.
I remember what I dreamt of, too. I was swimming in the lake near the
stationary pier about fifty yards from the shore. I was alone, or I thought I was until I heard
the screaming. It was Jimmy, I could
tell. I feverishly glance around for any
sign of him. He’s nowhere to be
found. Suddenly, I feel a tug on my leg
and I’m being dragged down, down, down to the depths of the lake…I’m screaming
but no one can hear me. My chest is
pounding, I’m not breathing. I open my
eyes underwater and there is Jimmy, pulling me down. I hear him saying, “Don’t let me drown,
Jen…Don’t leave me.”
I sit up, sweating profusely and breathing heavily. Jimmy’s still here, his eyes wide, watching
me. He wraps his arms around me and
shushes me, assuring me that everything’s alright.
“Nightmare,” I whimper, not wanting to elaborate.
He nods and holds me closer.
This fourth of July we go to the neighboring town and watch
the fireworks on a blanket. Sarah groans
as I take Jimmy’s hand in mine and lean alongside him lovingly.
After the grand finale, we pile back into the car and drive
to the cottage.
The next day my parents and I leave.
This time, I cry. I
sob. I don’t want to leave Jimmy.
He cries too. We hold
each other, kiss briskly and I leave.
It’s less painful, I think, to just run and not linger.
The ambulance arrived
thirty minutes after I made the call. A
team of poorly trained volunteer firemen came and lifted his motionless body
onto the stretcher and hastily loaded him onto the ambulance and slammed the
door behind them. They shook their
heads. We all knew that Jimmy was
dead. There was no reviving him.
School is boring and I don’t care about it at all. I just want the summer again. I want to see Jimmy. Now we talk every day on the phone. We tell each other about school and how much
we miss each other and how we can’t wait to be together again. I told him about the quote I heard once,
“Because we didn’t see each other every day it made the time we did spend
together a lot more special.” He said he
liked it and wrote it down.
Occasionally I talked to Sarah. She informed me about Samson, who had asked
her out a week before. She was ecstatic.
“We wave to each other from across the lake and I go over
there as often as I can, and we…you know…hang,” she giggles.
Finally it’s July and we’re on our way to the lake.
We arrive and my legs disappear because I’m running so fast
down the hill to the beach.
Jimmy looks wonderful.
He looks better than I’ve ever seen him.
He’s taller and more fit.
He notices me ogling his six pack and he grins, “I’ve been
workin’ out.”
I smile and push him to the ground and kiss him passionately
on the lips.
After what seems like an eternity Sarah harrumphs and I say,
“Hey Sarah…How’re you and Samson?”
“Don’t ask about that dickhole,” she replies.
“That bad, huh?”
“Yeah…that bad.
Welcome back Jen. I missed you.”
I get up and hug her tightly.
That night I sit on the pier and gaze out onto the
moon-draped water. It’s still.
I hear the wooden planks creak behind me and see Jimmy
standing there. He smiles and I motion
for him to come and sit next to me.
He turns to me and I can see him smile in the moonlight.
Then, he pushes me in the water and jumps in after me.
I scream and tread water, holding him close.
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