Red Jeep

You made me realize that even fat chicks
with huge guts and thighs and boobs
could be molested.
And now every time I see a red jeep
I cringe, thinking it's you coming back for me,
for more, for now -
I feel like you'll find me some day
and
wander back, look for the painting that you painted
on my wall, and realize that it's no longer there --
I blotted it out, like I blotted out your memories
except,
in my mind and heart, the paint has been chipped away.

I give you more power than you deserve,
I give you more power than you need.
How powerful do you feel there, up on top of the world
with all of that manliness in the palm of your hand?
That manliness with which you can dominate women
Does that make you special?
Does that make you proud and happy and satisfied
with your disgusting, loathsome life?

Why me?
she was my best friend and I trusted you
and I had to keep it a secret for almost a year

while it ate away inside of me.

"What will she think?"
"I could have stopped it..."
"I shouldn't have done that."
"I should have just left."

Well, I would-could-shoulda done something, anything
differently.. to prevent this from happening
but, it happened. And I didn't do much to stop it.
I was shocked,
frozen, not empowered, not mobile :
shaking, suddenly crazy
millions of miles of thoughts through my head
"It'll be over soon," I told myself.

Soon is not soon enough.